When you have a sudden loss in the family, it often feels like you are wandering around, with no answers, only questions. When we flew from Indiana down to Georgia to help Sam's parents after the accident, we were then flown to Texas to be with the rest of Sam's family for the graduations of 3, plus the wedding of Rebekah (Sam's sister) to her John.
I remember reaching a moment where I woke up, and went outside, and for the life of me, couldn't remember what state I was in!
Lately it has felt a lot like that again. Sam and I have spent much of our time wandering to & from work, and in the mornings we wake up exhausted, and confused about the state of our lives. How did we end up here? Why are we so tired and worn down? And when will it be ok to start living again?
I don't really have answers to all that, but we did realize that we have a tendency to put everyone else above us, and we need to concentrate on taking care of ourselves! We also haven't ever really had the time to stop and properly grief the loss of Sam's sisters Mary & AnnaLeah, and the loss of Jonny, my best friend. Perhaps once we've done that, we can start to find our way through life again.